I was sitting in a basement in the middle of the night with a needle in my hand. I had scraped every bit of powder off the dresser and into an old spoon. The contents from the day made up a mixture of dilaudid, opana, morphine, fentanyl and I’m sure some remains of the casual vicodin. The spoon had only been used once and the tar on the spoon was heavy so I was sure to get a good high. The money from the day was spent and tomorrow would mean another day of stealing and gambling and dealing to get what I wanted but for now this would have to do. I was desperate. I was in a state of insanity. Like a shark in a frenzy after smelling blood. Sitting in a chair shirtless, I searched my chest for a vein worthy of this needle. The poke. The blood. The instant rush. The mix was so thick I could hardly push it into my vein. I felt life and pleasure surge through my body. The surge would stop. Again. The poke. The blood. The instant rush. Life. Gone. Poke. Blood. Rush. Life. Gone. Poke. Blood. Rush. Life. Gone. I must have poked my chest 50 or more times in the matter of an hour. The mix was too thick and the needle was too full of blood and clotting to have it all at once. I was so bruised my entire chest looked like a pin cushion. Like some kind of animal I was desperate for that feeling of life in my veins.
A week later I died. My body is not in the ground. But that animal, that hopeless, desperate, lifeless thing of a person is dead. I met Jesus and I died.
For the first month I can only describe how I felt as grieving. It is a weird thing to die and be born at the exact same time in the same body. I was a totally new person. A new brain, a new soul, new characteristics, new goals, new morals, a new person.
The thing about Jesus is He does what He says He will do.
I cried out to Him and He came. That old person was desperate for life in her veins. Jesus gives life that never goes away. His life and love are constant. The Holy Spirit, He is always surging through your veins giving life, comfort, teaching, advice, protection. It never stops. The high never fades. The despair never sets in. There is no more chase. He is here. Always.
This is an account, just one of many, of how the very real and tangible love of Jesus can completely change a person. There is no such thing as hopeless as long as God reigns, and He will always reign. Cry out to Him. Heroin, meth, pills, alcohol, sex, porn, money, they will NEVER satisfy. Trust me, I know. It feels good for about 5 minutes. And it goes away. It is not real. IT IS NOT REAL. The love of Jesus is that “high” and the feeling of “life” you are seeking. It never goes away. It is real satisfaction. It is real purpose. It is real and ever-lasting love.
You will die. Then you will be raised to life as a completely new creation.